Grace For A Fool

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

In the aftermath of the horrible highway accident that claimed 8 lives last week, we are a community left reeling. As I talk with others and read forums and comments on news articles, letters and emails, I see that there is a prevalent spirit of anger and fear.  This is a community that is scared and shaken.

Last Friday I was listening to the radio and heard that there was an accident on Highway 63 and the road was closed.  This news was not too surprising as the highway is rather notorious for accidents.  It is the link between Alberta’s capital city, Edmonton and the oil sands community of Fort McMurray.  Unfortunately, there are many dangerous drivers on this road – those who get impatient with the traffic and take dangerous risks in passing on the two lane highway.  We all have stories to tell when it comes to witnessing careless driving up here.  And this last accident has proved to be a launching pad for the community’s outrage and frustration.

This accident took the lives of a pastor, his wife and their youngest son.  The eldest son, 3, survived.  Also in their vehicle were two friends.  The husband survived but his wife and unborn child were killed.  The other vehicle had three others, a dad, his daughter and a friend.  They were all killed.  No doubt it has rattled our community – so many were directly affected.  It has caused a public outcry for the fast-tracked twinning of this highway.  As much as I love that we are using our voices and banding together for change I wonder if we’ve got the right focus.

There is a protest scheduled today as the community voices their frustration, anger and fear over the extremely slow progress of the highway being twinned.  As I mentioned, I’ve been reading a lot of people’s thoughts and comments on the matter and they are rooted in fear and anger.  I can understand that it’s natural to want to place blame and people seem to be in two camps on this – bad drivers and the bad highway.  As long as I’ve lived here people have been afraid to drive it, calling it the highway of death.  Although I certainly am nervous driving it, I will not engage in the fear mongering that occurs around this road.  And it has never been worse that this past week.

I don’t believe God wants us to take part in this negative, fear-based talk.  He says, “take heart” – embrace peace.  Do not fear.  We are to be a voice of hope and optimism.  A light in the darkness.  This has been a very good lesson for me as I observe our community since I am quick to be discouraged and easily riled up.  Yes, let’s not let this tragedy be in vain – let’s pressure our province and municipality to make changes but let us encourage and uplift in the midst of sorrow.

Many have put all their energy into getting the twinning of the highway fast-tracked as if this will solve the issues on this road.  But what will happen if they start breaking ground tomorrow and we have years of backed up traffic from construction delays?  Will everyone be patient and respectful?  Will they remember that this is what they asked for?  And then, when it’s all finished, will everything be safe?  What happens when the left lane is filled with drivers using it as their own personal, unrestricted freeway?

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised but it seems like all our hope is placed in the twinning of a highway.  Our hope is in asphalt.  Isaiah 40:30-31 says, “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”  Where is our hope?  Where is yours?  Where is mine?

Yes, again, let’s take action.  Let’s press on for safer driving conditions – a safer road, harsher fines and campaigns for safe driving but let’s not forget that our hope cannot be in objects.  Let’s use the momentum from the trials and tragedies we experience to make things better.  But only the Lord is worthy of our hope.  He can be trusted.  As much as we may not understand what is going on down here on Earth, He offers His peace – if only we rest in Him.  Oh, this is hard for us.  Lord, help us to trust not in the things that we can see here, or in our own abilities or strengths – help us to trust You – help us to be voices of hope as You speak through us.  Yes, Lord, help us to truly take heart.  Take Heart

I grew up in churches that observed the liturgical calendar but as an adult the churches I have attended have rarely acknowledged the church year besides Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

I miss the reminder throughout the year, especially in advent, lent and Holy week.  And as I look back I even recall the pastors/reverends in my childhood churches having different coloured sashes – a visual cue of the faith season we were in – that something was different and we need to take notice.  Now, I am often recalling the days after the fact, feeling like I missed an opportunity to take pause, reflect, and remember.  I feel that observing these important faith days gives me an opportunity to prepare my heart and worship in a special way.

This year we had a service on Christmas morning because it landed on Sunday morning.  It was such a wonderful time of worship and I was determined that we must gather together for every Christmas morning, no matter what day of the week it lands on – we need this time for corporate worship to remember the importance of these Scriptural events.  Never mind if we think people won’t come.  Let’s provide the opportunity, let’s set the precedent.  These are, after all, the moments in time that affected every follower of Jesus.  Where would we be if there were no birth of Jesus, no death, no resurrection?  These moments in history changed all eternity – our eternity.  Why wouldn’t we stop and remember in a special way?  And what a sign to our increasingly oblivious world that the stat holidays we get are often holidays because of the actions of Jesus Christ (and not for make-believe characters like santa or a bunny?)

And today is Good Friday.  I feel regret for not treating this past week like the Holy Week it is – the week in history that changed everything.  I do not want to become numb to the story, to the accounts of Jesus’ last week.   Last Sunday I arrived home from church only to be reminded through a phone conversation with my mom that it was Palm Sunday.  How could I have forgotten?!  And today, although we had a wonderful, celebratory city-wide church service, I didn’t feel the solemness and intensity of Good Friday.  I want to remember every event in the joy, awe, horror, wonder and gratitude attached to it… if I don’t take pause,  I fear that it’ll be far too easy to take it all for granted.  If we skim the pages of scripture as if the good news is old news we have a serious problem.  After all, the world around us is quick to carry on as usual.  In a decade will anyone outside of the four walls of the church know the real reason for Good Friday?  Will we remember as we carry on as usual?  Will we remember the Good News?

I miss lighting a special candle on each Sunday in advent, my heart leaping with joyous anticipation as if the babe were to be born anew today, I miss solemnly receiving an ash cross on my forehead and going through the powerful process of washing one another’s feet, I miss the celebratory waving of palm branches to mark the triumphant entry of Jesus into Jerusalem, I miss the quiet grieving of the sacrifice and death of Jesus, I miss how special our faith holidays used to be as we vamped up our preparations – I miss it, not out of some sense of tradition, or religious obligation but because I feel a deep seeded need to remember the whole story of God’s love for us, from beginning to end.  What a miracle it is.  What…a…miracle.  And it leads me to remember.  I need to remember.

Who are we trying to please?  In our lives?  With our works?  With our deeds?  With our actions?  With our words?

I suspect that we are too often looking for approval from one another rather than from God.  And no wonder when we are pressuring others to please us and others are pressuring us to please them!  We are certainly a self-absorbed world often looking out for the interests of ourselves over others.  I have been contemplating these thoughts particularly in the context of our faith communities (our local churches).  I fear that the epidemic of “me-church” has run rampant.  This video, entitled Me-Church is a humorous illustration of this.  But sadly, it is often true that we expect the church to cater to us rather than going to a church with a heart ready to surrender.  It isn’t about what we are going to get out of our time together.  It’s not about how I can be blessed.  It’s not even about how I can bless others.  Gathering together in our faith communities is about God – about worshipping Him, loving Him, surrendering to Him.  It’s about hearing and studying His Word, responding to Him and allowing the Holy Spirit to work among us.  It’s about being a family of believers, corporately serving Him by being living sacrifices, equipped to do the work He has for us to do.

The leaders in our faith communities feel the greatest pressure to please.  I know I have felt that pressure.  So many opinions and points of view that are impossible to implement and once you please one person, another is upset.  Have we completely lost our focus?  We have to support our leaders in word and action so that they can lead us and show us the vision that God has given them.  And when we have ideas or other points of view it is good to share them but not so that we can get our own way but to be able to work together as a body.  It’s never about sharing our point of view so we can get what we want due to our of own preferences and desires.

Imagine what would happen if we enabled the leaders in our churches to please God by giving them our support rather than burdening them with the pressure of pleasing us.

This past week my husband and I travelled for a funeral of a dear friend we met during our University days.  After a long, degenerative illness he passed away and we felt quite a mix of emotion.  On one hand we were saddened, grieving the loss of his presence and aching for those closest to him – especially his wife and three children.  And on the other hand we were filled with joy that he no longer had to suffer, with the knowledge that he is now in the presence of the Lord we love and serve.

His life, although seemingly cut much too short, had a purpose  - even in the midst of tremendous trial and suffering.  The accounts of how God moved throughout the period of his illness are marvelous - miraculous!  Talking with his wife during these years always caused me to be inspired and put life into perspective.  I have been a witness to the power of God at work, His indescribable peace being poured into the lives of our friend’s loved ones, His hand giving them strength to endure and His Word a continual source of life and encouragement.

One thing that particularly stood out to me is how the community around this family gathered around them to make sure they were taken care of – from meals, to child care, to financial needs, to prayer support and spiritual encouragement, to hospital visits and making adjustments to their home and vehicles…and the list goes on and on and on.  It is the love of God in action.  It is the fruition of faith and works.  It is the church functioning as God designed.

A moment that drove home this message for me took place in the breakfast area of the hotel we were staying in.  We were handed a box of mints by the woman serving us.  Printed on the side was, “take care: we owe it to one another”.  I found it quite poignant and certainly timely to be handed this little box with its powerful message challenging us all to be mindful of others and act with care as we interact – even with strangers – perhaps even more so with strangers.  She didn’t even know how much she impacted me that day, doing something she does with every hotel guest.  I think that is the point of it all.  We need to “take care” as we go about our days, opening our eyes to opportunities to love and serve, even in the smallest ways.  And it’s not just about serving those who we think deserve it – every human life is a soul in need of love, attention and care.  Oh, how we fall short of demonstrating that kind of love.

We miss our friend and we’d rather he was still here with us but we trust that all things work together for good for those who love God.  We are certain of God’s providence and thankful for the life of our friend.  As we drove in the procession from the graveside to the church we were amazed that in 2011 the highways were closed off and vehicles pulled over to honour this man’s life.  It was so powerful for me to have strangers take notice and acknowledge the dignity of a human life.

take care: we owe it to one another

Last night I decided to upload my songwriting course media to my Ipod so I could listen to it while I went for a run.  Why haven’t I done this before?  It was great to listen while I did my usually thinking and pondering during a run through the gorgeous trails.  The media was from part four of the Essentials in Worship Songwriting course, and it was Brian Doerksen speaking on “The Art of Anchoring Our Songwriting In Truth”.

For me, it was the best nugget of teaching from the entire course.  It wrapped everything up and Brian’s challenge for songwriters was to write while you’re living – don’t stop and try to force songs.  I think it resonates with me because I write based on what’s going on in my life – what I’m struggling with, what’s been percolating in my heart, what I’m excited about, what attribute of God I’m focused on…  If I just tried to sit down and write something for the sake of writing it I’m sure it would sound as contrived as the process put into it.  Even for this course I was tempted to change my song vision from what has been on my mind to something that seemed simpler.  Looking back I’m sure it would have been a disaster to go in a different direction when there was a theme already imprinted on my heart and mind.

Another idea that really stuck with me while listening to this media, was what Brian referred to as “anchoring”.  He used the visual of a compass pointing true North to remind us that our songs need to point to the Truth of God.  Musical genres will come and go, changing with the generations but Truth never changes.  He encouraged us to find fresh, relevant ways to write about Truth – to find a way to wake people up to the Truth of God.

I’m playing it again now as I write and he shares so many fantastic points.  Brian, I’ll go for a run with you any day.  Thanks for sharing your journey with us and writing songs along the way.  Thanks for the inspiration.

The essentials in Worship Songwriting course is drawing to a close this week and it’s been a good learning experience.  It all began with a song vision and some pressing deadlines to meet!  One thing that I found difficult is knowing when to heed the advice and suggestions of the other class members.  We each have our unique preferences and styles as musicians and within the class we are all quite different – which is great!  But then it has made me realize that we almost need a week (or a course) on how to effectively give feedback to other songwriters.  I wanted to make sure that I gave feedback but I was nervous to do so.  And when do I start making changes based on what others say?

Naturally this got me thinking about people pleasing and how something like songwriting could quickly become an exercise in giving people what they want or trying to write a “hit song”.  I’m amazed at how some number one songs were the reluctant release of it’s composer, (Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton for one example) who created the song usually as a personal reflection but it resonated with countless others.

We don’t want to be constantly changing course in our songs simply because someone has a criticism, or I fear we’d be left with something that doesn’t really resonate with us in the end.  However, we don’t want to dismiss the thoughts of others just because it may take us someplace we didn’t plan on heading.  I think – as with most things – there has to be a balance.  A confidence in your song vision but flexibility to change and an openness to hear honest feedback.  Our opinions and preferences are going to show themselves, I think it’d be difficult to separate them from our critiques, but we cannot expect someone to write a song to cater to what we like.  Just like worship leaders aren’t in the church to play the songs that we like in the style we like – it is so much more than singing songs we like.  It is the responsibility of worship leaders to choose songs that will move a congregation to surrender to the Lord, to acknowledge Him and worship Him – and therefore the responsibility of worship songwriters to write music that will do just that.

We’ve been created as individuals, with God given uniqueness – the more intentional I become about songwriting the more I realize that it’s important for me to be that unique person and write the songs that come from my walk with God but I don’t have to write in a bubble.  The feedback from others may just inspire me and push me to write a song that resonates much deeper with the body of Christ.  It has been a vulnerable and nerve wracking experience to put my song drafts in the path of feedback while they were still so raw.  It has also been very eye-opening and intriguing to see all the different points of view.  It has certainly made me realize anew how different we all are and how wonderful it is to try and unite those differences.

A song is just a song unless the heart, soul and mind are engaged.

Using music as a vehicle to worship God is a wonderful gift we have been given.  I am thankful for the gift of music – how a congregation can sing collectively while worshipping intimately.  It’s a beautiful thing.  Well, until we abuse it.  How many times have we sung a song, barely engaged, thinking about what we’re going to do for lunch rather than fixing our hearts and minds on the Lord?  But does it matter?  At least we came to church, right?

This scripture, from the third chapter of Revelations, has been imprinted on my heart for years now:

To the Church in Laodicea

¹⁴ “To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:

These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. ¹⁵ I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! ¹⁶ So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. ¹⁷ You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. ¹⁸ I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.

¹⁹ Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. ²⁰ Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

²¹ To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. ²² Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

These are very strong words.  I find it quite striking that God says in verse 15 that He’d rather we were hot or cold than lukewarm – be for Him or against Him rather than on the fence.  How many times have we been on the fence in our walk with God? I find it very peculiar that the church (in general terms) has often tip-toed around many topics and become politically correct, cautious to say anything that might cause offense or make us uncomfortable.  I fear that we are very cautious with the way we worship too – nervous that we might look foolish if we worship freely.

There has been something stirring in me for a while now – a cry beyond complacency, beyond the lukewarm, beyond lip service.  A cry for something so incredibly deep, intimate and authentic that there will be no turning back.  I do not want to go through the motions and am focusing on these ideas for my “Essentials in Songwriting” project.

The church needs to be lives on fire for God – one where we feel that fire, that passion, deep in our bones.

Jeremiah (Sara Groves)

Jeremiah tell me about the fire
That burns up in your bones
I want to know
I want to know more now

The burning of ambition and desire
It never could come close
To that fire
To that fire

Verse 1:
I was looking to myself
And I forgot the power of God
I was standing with a sparkler in my hand

While I stood so proud and profound
You went and burned the whole place down
Now that’s a fire

Verse 2:
I was caught up in this vice
And it’s power to entice
I was dwelling on my hopelessness and doubt

With the slightest invitation
You came with total detonation
Now that’s a fire

Bridge:
I was warming my hands by this little light of mine
but now I know it’s time
time to come in from the cold
Fight fire with fire, come fan the flame
come stir up these coals in my soul, in my soul
till it burns out of control

The last month of taking this online course has been a valuable time of reflecting on the core values of worship.  As a fantastic summary of our role as worshippers, Dan Wilt addresses the goal of living encounter in the introduction of the “Essentials in Worship Values”.

Our goal is encounter with the God who loves us, remembering His actions in history, renewing our commitments to His mission, being renewed by God’s love, and reflecting the goodness of creation back to Him in splendid acts of adoration and praise.” (1)

My heart, for some time, has been yearning for stillness and clarity.  I’ve seen the distractions in my own life and have been attempting to find balance by properly aligning my priorities.  God has been speaking to my heart the importance of being still with Him throughout each day.

That stillness doesn’t always require me to be physically still but it is certainly vital to slow down and spend quiet time with the Lord – I will not be transformed otherwise.

As we journeyed through each worship value this idea of being fixed on the Lord continued to be reinforced.  Intimacy, integrity, Kingdom expectancy, being accessible, and our own spiritual formation require surrender to God.  And since our roles as worship leaders should be an extension of our personal, intimate and authentic walk with God we need to continually be offering ourselves to the Lord.

A couple of weeks into the course the word linger came to mind and I’ve been pondering the concept of lingering with God ever since. I have come to the realization that lingering doesn’t have to be when the music is soft and the lights low in a worship service but should be the constant posture of our hearts.  Then I knew that this is what my creative project would be focused on.

The song above is my exploration of being still- lingering – with God.  Our lives are a process – a journey – and how amazing that God can and will use us along the way despite our wandering hearts.  And on this journey the life of a Christian should not be compartmentalized into time with and time apart from God.  1 Thessalonians verse 5 tells us to “pray without ceasing”, and this indicates to me that we are to be in constant communion with God.  John 15 verse 4 states,

“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

Psalm 23: 1-4  “The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.   He makes me lie down in green pastures,  he leads me beside quiet waters,  he refreshes my soul.   He guides me along the right paths  for his name’s sake.   Even though I walk  through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;  your rod and your staff,  they comfort me.”

John 10:9-10: “I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”

James 4:7-8 “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

I have much to learn and so far to go on this journey but I am committed to walking with God.  I know that the more time I spend with Him, the longer I linger, the more I will experience His abundant gift of life.  The journey is not easy but there are no other options, no forks in the road leading to a better way.  This is the way to life.

Let’s linger.

1.  Dan Wilt, Pg 4+5 “Essentials In Worship Values” ebook

And I’ll linger… here with You Lord

Draw near to me, I’m drawing near to You

Change, renew, transform Your bride

I’ll remain in You, remain in me

Let’s linger

(C) Erin Stinson 2011

Linger:

to remain or stay on in a place longer than is usual or expected, as if from reluctance to leave; to dwell in contemplation, thought, or enjoyment

How many of us practice the art of lingering?  We live in a very hectic, on the go world that appears to be getting busier.  It takes a very concerted effort on my part to reject that culture.  Tonight my husband and I were talking about how much we value our quiet time, our time alone, our time as a couple, our time away from the demands of work and society.  I also suspect that our busyness is not impressing God.  Primarily because it takes away from our time with Him – and if we treat everything else in our life like a drive through restaurant then why wouldn’t we treat God that way too?

The reality is that we live in a world of ticking clocks (you’ve likely got one strapped on your wrist or clipped on your belt) and we have schedules, deadlines and timeframes.  We like to know what is going to happen, when it will happen and for how long it will happen.  Many people carry around an electronic gadget that has all of this organizational information in one place and they feel completely lost without it.  Busy, busy, busy.  Hurry, hurry, hurry.  Go, go, go.

I am a person who likes structure and organization yet I constantly finding myself rejecting a hurried, busy lifestyle.  In those moments when I feel overwhelmed by this franticness I find I look for evidence that this is the way we’re supposed to be – but I can’t find it.  Let’s look at Jesus.  He didn’t live frantically, stressed out and overworked.  We are told in the scriptures about the time He took to be with His disciples and how He would go away to be alone with the Father.  We cannot sustain a hurried, urgent life.  We absolutely must take time to BE with God.  And I don’t think a quick time slot squeezed between appointments is sufficient.  It is good for me to consciously set aside time but I’ve learned that it can’t be in my own agenda.  It’s like telling God, “Okay, well, I’ve got some time from 5-5:30 so I’ll pencil you in.”  I wonder what my true agenda is then – is it an obligatory appointment?  Is it a time to spout off my wish list?…

Think about those times you’ve had with those you treasure.  Time slips away.  You find yourself unconcerned with time and disappointed when you realize that it’s time to go.  As I look back and think about memories I have of great fellowship with others it was when we made one another and that opportunity to connect our priority.  This affirms for me the importance of slowing down and resetting my priorities.  Wouldn’t it be incredible to spend this kind of time with God too?  To be excited to put down the day planner and kick back with Him?

The word linger came to me tonight and I found it to be particularly poignant.  I want to linger with God, always hoping to squeeze in another moment, never wanting to leave.  If I’m always in a rush I’m bound to miss out on some amazing times of intimate connection with Him.  How can I be transformed otherwise?

Last Friday evening I arrived home to hear the news of the earthquake and resulting tsunami in Japan.  I watched some news clips and found myself finding it all very surreal and I felt detached, as if it was a disaster scene in a movie.  The more video that became released the more I recognized the extent of the devastation and human tragedy.  The force of the earthquake and tsunami was more powerful than I think we can wrap our minds around.

And as I sat down to practice my set list for Sunday morning I wondered if these songs were appropriate for a time when so many were going through such despair, others were thinking about such despair, and still others going through their own struggles.  It felt wrong to just try and tune out the reality of our lives just so we could sing some songs – which of course is never the aim of our worship.  God wants and can handle our reality – our honesty – and the psalms are a great example of God’s people crying out with bared souls and then acknowledging who He is in the midst of their pain.  Then I began to reflect on the theme of the message for Sunday – acceptable worship.  God wants our best and He sees our hearts.  He knows if what we bring to Him is out of obligation or love.  And God deserves our very best offering (ie. our entire selves) no matter the circumstances of our lives – no matter how horrific those circumstances may be.  He deserves our very best because of who He is.  Then the set list seemed to make a lot of sense, even in a world that doesn’t often seem to make a lot of sense to us.  God is good, Holy, righteous, faithful, healer, redeemer, friend… no matter the chaos around us, no matter our own circumstances, no matter our pain, His attributes remain the same and He is always worthy of our very best, our fervent worship and joyful praise.

For Who You Are

Standing here, in Your presence
Thinking of the good things You have done
Waiting here, patiently
Just to hear Your still small voice again
Holy, righteous, faithful to the end
Savior, healer, redeemer and friend

I will worship You for who You are
I will worship You for who You are
I will worship You for who You are, Jesus

My soul secure, Your promise sure
Your love endures always
My soul secure, Your promise sure
Your love endures always
My soul secure, Your promise sure
Your love endures always

(Marty Sampson)